Saturday, January 19, 2013

My own worst enemy.

I have been running a lot recently because of how the under training bit me in the ass at my half marathon in October.  You can read about that Here.  So I signed up for the Run to the Brewery 10 mile race.  In the half I crashed into the "wall" at mile 9 so I figured this would be a good distance.  Well yesterday I started to panic.  What if I couldn't do it?  What if I got hurt again?  So what did I do?  I started obsessing with being "ready"

1. Packet pick up.Check

2. Easy mile to keep run streak up but not get too tired.   Check

3. Restorative Yoga. Check


4. Water, pasta and cheesy reading.  Check


5. Overnight oats prepared.  Check.


6. Set out fuel, hydration and clothes for the race. Check.








Well after I got everything done I headed to bed around 10pmish.  I didn't sleep great but I was up at 6:30.

My stomach was totally off (nerves I am sure) so I packet my stuff including my oatmeal hoping I could eat it on the way or when I got there.  This did not happen.  I choked down one of my honey stingers to be sure I had some sort of fuel.  I was getting out of the car and putting on my running jacket and headphones when I discovered I forgot my bib.  WHAT THE FUCK?!?! REALLY???  Luckily I was able to get a new one but at a race with 1200 people it was super crowded, freezing and I genuinely just wanted to go home.  After I got my new bib I got onto the porto potty line and then headed to the start.  I did get to see Joe and JoAnn to say hi which was nice because I am just so tired of being at races alone.

Off to the start line.


Gun went off and we started.  I knew I wanted to stay slow and steady and with the wind that was not hard.  We made the first turn and headed West and it was like we were in a wind tunnel.  Almost right away I was tired, my legs, my lungs and my mind.  There were a lot of people around me all chatting with friends like they were just walking and I just felt so alone and wanted to be done.  I actually thought seriously about stopping.  I have done about 100 races in just a year and a half with not one DNF.  ( I had 2 DNS 1 for illness and 1 for weather)  At mile 2.5 or so the first water stop came so I tried 2 clif blocks to see if that would help.  To be honest I am not sure if they helped or not I didn't feel better but I just kept trudging along.  At about mile 4.5 I got two nice boosts.  First was a woman with THE BEST SIGN EVER that said "I am a newbie and you inspire me"  Just just kept thanking everyone as we went by and then I heard my name get called and I looked to see Dave and Joe of Team LIMA heading back but they gave me a "way to go" and it did put a bit of wind in my sail.  I also knew I was almost half way done.

Now many of you know I am a hussy with many many boyfriends who all have 4 legs :)  Gilbert Bermudez is one of the first and closest to my heart, he is ginger and fat after all.

Photo stolen from his Dad Andre's FB page
Well just as I was hitting 5 miles I got a text that Gilbert was in the hospital going into kidney failure....ugh my heart breaks and I start to cry.  Partly due to sadness over Gilbert and also I am sure because I was just so tired.  I wanted to text Danielle back right then but I just didn't have it in me.  (Gilbert will be OK I found out after the I got back to my car)

Then the turn to head back the way we came.

This looked prettier in real life....nice picture of the water lol
I decided to turn off podcasts and try to liven myself up with some music.  The last 5 miles we looooooong and I took a bunch of walk breaks I am not going to lie but I knew now I would finish, probably not in under 2 hours as hoped but I would finish.  With 3 miles to go one of my running friends George caught up to me, now George is 80 and always beats me in 5ks so I never thought he would have been behind me.  We went past a mailman and he asked me if we put stamps on our forehead would they just mail us to the finish line.  LOL I love George.  He also asked me why we did this to ourselves, glad I was not the only one hurting but off he went when I stopped for another picture.


At around 8.5 or 9 miles I felt something in my shoe, I thought about stopping to get it out but my neuromas were killing me and I was afraid that if I took my shoe off it would hurt more after I put it back on so I just dealt with it.  I made the last turn and FINALLY saw the finish line and as I was getting closer I caught up to George who seemed to be fading so I told him "Come on George, you have never let me win before don't start now!!" and we both sprinted to the finish line.  He thanked me for that which made me smile.  I know I actually could have pushed harder but for some reason I just wanted him to cross with me or even a step ahead.  I grabbed a water, realized I hadn't hit my watch and nike+ so I shut them off and kicked off my shoe, well there was nothing in it except a huge blister.  My legs were tightening up fast so I knew I needed to walk so I headed back to the brewery, grabbed some food and headed home.  I looked for some friends but it was just so damn crowded and I felt like shit so I just left.  I didn't get the "I feel great now that it is over" that I usually get after a run and that scares me I am not going to lie.

I walked back to my car and just sat on the heated seat for a second when I finally decided that I had to look to see what my time was....

Even with forgetting to turn it off I was under 2 hours...yay.  Official time was 1:58:18
I am not going to lie that was a nice surprise!
(George was 1:58:45 so I did finally beat a 80 year old man LOL)

After I showered I decided to check out my splits and even with a lot of walking in the second half I stayed pretty even.

I have been on the couch most of the day just napping, catching up on some shows and being on the computer.  I have also been wallowing in self pity and the thought of quitting running has actually gone thorough my head a few times today.  I am not going to I know this but I am rethinking the run streak, even with doing a couple days a week of just an easy mile I might not be getting the rest a body needs, I am going to be 40 after all this year and before May of 2011 I really never was all that active.  I have a 5k tomorrow as part of the winter run series and I have decided that I am not going to set my alarm, if I get up in time, great but if I sleep late that is OK too.  The 5k is at 11 and only 15 min from my house so I will have to be very tired to sleep through it.

Now I know we have all had disappointing races/runs but this one seemed to be worse that any before.  Have you ever thought about quitting?  How have you gotten past it?  One of my first blog posts was about if there is such a thing as a bad run.....what do you think?  You can check out that post Here

18 comments:

  1. Quitting? Hell no. Fitness is a way of life. When people say, "how do you run so much?", you think "how do you have no time to run?", because it's become a part of your life. If you quit, do you think you would say in a year, "Man I'm so glad I quit that whole running thing. My life is so much better without it." No. You had a bad race, and considering how many races you do, it was bound to happen. You didn't have a bad race because you were slow. On the contrary, you were fast and beat your goal. You had a bad race because your head wasn't in it from the beginning, and that's OK too. We have bad days at work and at home when our head is not in it and we are not as productive. But when the good ones outnumber the bad ones, it becomes a part of our life. Kind of like being in love. It's not perfect all the time, but the good times get you through the tough times. Your good races far outnumber the bad, so racing has become part of your life. You have inspired many others to do the same (including me). You might need a break or you might need to re-evaluate your goals, but quit? Hell no. Over my dead body.

    Love,

    Christine Gayron "Super Shue"

    PS, I'll see you at the starting line tomorrow.

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    1. Thank you! I needed a super shue kick in the ass :)

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  2. I'm thinking it sounds an awful lot like burn out. Either from running or racing or both. Rest days are underrated. It sounds like you need a couple to get your mojo back!
    But I agree that your head wasn't in it from the beginning and that's why it's felt so tough. Sometimes once we start running that can change...sometimes not. Kudos to you for not quitting! Your time surprised you and was an excellent time so it's not your body. It's your mind working against you.

    You need to run and just have some FUN!!!

    I have not thought about quitting running but thought about quitting running races. I solved that by not currently being signed up for anything more then a half marathon in February. I'm taking it as it comes and my running hasn't been better in over a year.

    <3

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    1. Thank you and I think you are right, I think I am a bit burnt out. I am sure a good run will get me out of this funk :)

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  3. Did you happen to read Shut Up and Run today? I think there may have been something in the air because she wrote pretty much the response I wish I could have written.

    You've pushed yourself a hell of a lot to get where you are and have pushed past shit I don't even like to think about very hard, but you've adapted and grown in response, just as I fully believe you will with this.

    I find in the long run that the worst experiences are what inspire me the most. Sometimes it's hard, and it sucks, and you wish you didn't experience something, and then you look back at it later and you remember that you got through to the other side and you learn that much more about yourself and what you can do. Not that you *want* to experience it again, but you know if you have to you'll be ok.

    It has sounded like the runstreak has been grinding you down this last several days, it may be worth it to build in some rests (maybe use high mileage weeks to "bank" rest days for example).

    Anyway, I can't IMAGINE why you might feel a bit overloaded after this week, it's not like you completely upended your life and started a giant new personal venture or anything like that :p

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    1. I did read it and it was crazy! I am sure you are right runstreak, going back to school, long runs and life are a lot to handle. I am going to have to figure in at least 2 rest days I think just to keep my sanity. Even if I use those days for yoga or something other than running. This whole last week I was just so tired.

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  4. Great job! It was super cold and soooo windy this morning too. That alone would have made me want to turn tail & run. I like the George story too, so nice of you to help him. I had a 76 year old lady beat me at my first 5k! Lol. Keeps us humble, right? I hope I can run like her if I get to see 76.

    I bet if you give yourself a bit of a mental & physical break, you'll be right as rain, and re-excited about running in no time. Remember, spring is on it's way! Don't let the big 4-0 scare you either. I'm 42 & some days I think I've never felt better. Other days, are just other days :)

    Congrats on a great finish!

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    1. Thank you ! I am sure you are right because when I went outside today and the weather was so nice the first thing I thought about was running so it is still in there :)

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  5. Gigi.
    Just run. Because you love it. Put the Garmin away stop tracking yourself, stop formal racing and remember why you started.For a little while. You may not stop. You have after all inspired all of us ;0) including me.

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    1. I cant stop tracking the curiosity would kill me but I can slow down on the racing. I have a relay in February but that is just so fun so I am not worried about it. My half marathons start on March 23rd so I need to get my brain on track by then. Thank you

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  6. No words of advice here but seriously congratulations for pushing through all that and finishing!

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  7. That is a notoriously difficult race and you made it through despite the wind and not feeling up to par. Congrats on that and on your streak. Nice post!

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  8. What everybody above said, I agree! Take some breaks, regroup, run for running! As far as that cold-ass race, you came in under 2:00! How exciting for you! Your perseverance despite the setbacks is what sets you apart from everyone else. Congrats~ :)

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    1. Thank you I took today off and I am already feeling better physically and mentally!

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  9. Don't quit. It's obvious that you love it. Just make it work for you instead of against you. Turn off the madness for a little while and just get back into enjoying the run. When you feel better and remember why you love it, you will come back strong!

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    1. You are right! I took today off and hung out with some friends and I already feel better!

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